Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
