I am in a vortex of obligation.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
