i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
