I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
