i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
