I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
