omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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