I'm gonna have a badass scar
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
