well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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