I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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