"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
