Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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