You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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