I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
