the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Randomize
