she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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