sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Is her dick bigger than yours?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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