Yo dont text me then not text me
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
