how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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