one two three fourrrrnication!
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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