when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
