hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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