Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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