3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I will be naked everywhere
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
