thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize