That's intense
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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