it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I look excited, but its just a facade.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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