so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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