mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
