I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
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