not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
my liver is dry heaving
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
