I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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