I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
