I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
