Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
