Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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