3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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