walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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