Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
