Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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