im about as happy as oj after his trial
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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