Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I think your dad took our porno
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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