Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Randomize
