Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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