I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
