I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
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