Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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