By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
