She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
