Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
