Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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