You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
