Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize