girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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