So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
