Im at strip club and am horny
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Randomize
