Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
