we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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