I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize