I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
