I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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