Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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