He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
