First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
