You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize