dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
