the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
