woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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