Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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