Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
