no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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