I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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