you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
