I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
