Jerry, you need to find god
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
