i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
