She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize