At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
