I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
