I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I have aggressive nipples.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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