my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
