Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Boobs speak an international language.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
