This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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