She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize