well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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