think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
