I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
