so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
