in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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