so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
