My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
