I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize