ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
