omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
