I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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