Don't you send me to vm
i already hear my dad disowning me
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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