This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize