somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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