i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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