I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
