It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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