apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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