No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
