So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
The air taste purple.
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