How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
