So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
it's great music for shaving your balls
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
