she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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