Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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