That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
