it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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